The Hedonic Treadmill

Update number one: I went to doctor yesterday feeling like he was going to laugh at me (I HATE going over any sort of unidentifiable pain, because I don't have insurance and if google can't find it, then my doctor is totally taking my blood. Which costs more.)
Anyway I hadn't slept at ALL the night before- everytime I dozed off, my muscles would get a very very nails on the chalk board sensation. I wanted to rip them out.
So anyway I cried. Because I'm a wreck and I was so sore and GOSH I'm 28 people! My mom has broken at least 4 bones- even her back! She's 57 and running circles around me. Sure, I'm not in perfect health!
So anyway my doctor can't handle tears so it's all very awkward. Regardless I have LYME disease, so on a side not I'd like to take this moment to say, that is just ridiculous. First he saqid I had tick fever, then his dad came in, who treated me for tick fever the last time, and said the bullseye on my leg where I pulled a tick off pointed at lyme disease, so they're just treating me for both. They took my blood with a needle so hollow it was like looking down the barrel of a 12 gauge. So they're supposed to call me next week with all that crap- since he was taking it anyway I told him to check my thyroid and for diabetes and whatever else because I've been working REALLY hard- REALLY! and saw on my chart I'd gained 7 pounds since the last time I was there, about 8 months ago, which is just disgusting. AND he put me on a huge dose of steroids, which means oh yea I WILL gain a few more on these things.
He gave me antibiotics and Mobic and pain pills and it was all very expensive. Please understand it costs almost 500 a month just to add me to our insurance plan, so to me this all means my visit cost about half of that, so we all come out ahead. He did refer me to an orthopedic (or the ortho that handles the bones and all) place for my wrist, which has been KILLING me recently but has hurt like hell for about 6 years. He looked back on my chart and saw I fell around that time but refusedf an xray (I think I was pregnant, if not I probably didnt get one because they aren't free), so he suggested I may have had a hairline fracture then and thats why it still hurts. I bit the bullet and okayed the referral, but now that I'm doped up I'm thinking maybe it's unbearable right now because my entire body is killing me, this craps like the summer flu, so maybe I'll call and ask about cost before going, I mean really, I don't want to break the bank, which a pack of gum is capable of doing as expensive as everything is right now.

Anyway my rant right now is about the Hedonic Treadmill. Here are some pastes:
The tendency for a person's economic expectations and desires to rise at the same rate as his or her income, resulting in no net gain of satisfaction or happiness.

Looking at the data from all over the world, it is clear that, instead of getting happier as they become better off, people get stuck on a "hedonic treadmill": their expectations rise at the same pace as their incomes and the happiness they seek remains constantly just out of reach.—John Lanchester, "Pursuing happiness," The New Yorker, February 27, 2006

Studies show that happiness rises with incomes — up to the point at which basic needs are met, after which it stagnates as aspirations also rise with income. The recent Nobel Prize-winning economist and psychologist Daniel Kahneman calls this a "hedonic treadmill." Like the proverbial rats, we run faster and faster — and so do our aspirations — but the bottom line is the old cliche: Money can't buy happiness.—Andrew L. Yarrow, "Utopia lost," Los Angeles Times, February 25, 2006

"The trouble is, if nice things happen to you, your expectations go up." With no escape from the hedonic treadmill, reducing expectations becomes the key to happiness.—T. Lott, "Happiness: Three academics look for life's biggest secret," Sunday Herald, April 15, 1990

I've noticed recently- well actually this has always been a peeve of mine- that my husband sometimes resembles a hamster in a wheel. He doesn't work harder than everyone else at his job for the money- he doesn't even claim his overtime (I call this ass kissing), he does it for the recogintion that he'll go above and beyond, all in the hope of going higher up. His frequent quote when we have this "debate": "I'm doing this so we don't have to worry about anything one day!"

Since I'm here with the children, I just don't agree. I have a completely different view of this, because I see what it does to HIM, and to the family unit. He's worn out, you can't give 110% at work and then do it at home!
So I was thinking yesterday, after reading an especially informative article in Cosmo while I took my 1200th dump of the day thanks to these antibiotics, about our earlier years.
He made 9 an hour when we bought this house. ALL our bills were paid, we had nothing left over. I worked too but all my income (which was very very little, I only worked part time) went back for us to have a 3 day trip away every year to unwind.
We were incredibly happy.We had no debt. He came home every night and had wrestling matches with his child (and later, children).

Fast Forward. Our income has doubled, and so have our bills. He works harder, we get ahead, and someone else holds their hand out. The ceiling collapses. The wife gets sick. The car needs a fuel pump, you know, L.I.F.E.
Over time work has become priority somehow. Not because he's a jerk, but because it's like life doesn't give you any other option. Have more? Want more! Want more? Need more! Need more? Tough shit!
So right now, he gets up around 6 or 7. He gets to work by 8. He leaves work at 5pm. He drives to school. He is at school 5:30 pm to 11p.m. Come home, bathe, eat, sleep. Do it all again. He came home last night with homework stacked up a foot high- and I am NOT playing, I have got to take a picture.
"WHEN do they expect you to do that?"
"It's amazing! They just expect me to do it. Everybody else in there does it and I don't understand how."
"No, they don't. If they do they don't work full time."
"Yes, they do!"
"NO! WHEN?! Do they sleep? Are you the only one in their who must sleep? Do they ever see their children? When do they get LAID?!!!!"
"Well, they do it, and I don't know if they get laid or not."
There is no way that these kinds of schedules work for any human for any long length of time. He had to be in class at 9 this morning at I woke up at 10:30 and he was asleep beside me. I got him up and he went into panic.
"This is badbadbadbad" EASY for me to say, but I'm like: TELL THE DUDE YOURE EXHAUSTED AND YOUR BODY DEMANDED A LITTLE SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
I figure once these classes are over, he'll get this "everything will be easier" promotion. And it won't be enough, so he'll go back to his regular college classes. His boss will go back to making him feel like a turd if he doesn't work overtime when he ISNT in class. Eventually we'll get to the goal: moving, since we need another bedroom. Then what next? What will he have to work toward next?

Anyway I think the theory of the Hedonic Treadmill is worth checking out, because it's true. We all work towards a goal when we DO know it won't make us happy, we'll just find another goal. Meanwhile, the things that are proven to make us happy fly by. Our family, times together, wrestling matches. The little things that you set aside for the big things that don't matter. It sucks when the latest reason to work like a dog causes you to be so focused on it that you miss what really matters. How many years can be cut off a life from being a workaholic?

Anyway, I in no way mean to pick on my husband- he loves us more than anything, it's just his way, but he hasn't realized yet what I'm trying to say. I'm not upset with him or anything, I just feel sorry for him. We would all be much happier if he was still making 9 bucks an hour and we had him here at 5:30 for dinner. We all support him and my kids NEVER complain or guilt trip him, I just wanted to vent about it. In this world, if you're working- whether you have a family or not- it's almost impossible not to get sucked into this way of thinking. I've never ever wanted to be rich, and this is why. I don't know one above income family who has their father home at the same time every night. I'd rather have only our basic needs and my husband here. So I'm going to try to pull myself out of this way of thinking by paying attention to what I do. In other words, I'm going to see how long I can go without eating out or having an expensive coffee. I have to believe that if we made it so well before and were so happy, maybe we don't need these raises and promotions to move, maybe we just need to pay attention to where our money is going and we could still move into a modest house with the 3rd bedroom and be just fine. So I'm going to try to change some things, because honestly, when I'm here with just the kids, we DO go eat out and rent movies and so on. So back to the library movies, back to dinners at home, bored or not, I'll jyst have to teach them how to play Yahtzee.
To end this on a positive note: I am very lucky my husband isn't lazy, because that would be way more of a bummer.