Epicurean Delights

So let me give you a short background on what I'm about to spend a few paragraphs ranting about:

I grew up in a tight circle of friends whom I still keep in touch with. I met this specific group when I was 14. One was my boyfriend. Three more were his very closest friends- boys. The others were one boys' sister, and whoever followed her around- about 2 more girls. Since I was young and my boyfriend (a.k.a. the center of my post pubescent universe) lived in Memphis, this was the first time I was largely unmonitored by my parents, and I spent a great deal of time with these guys. Anyway, eventually I turned 18 and realized my boyfriend was a complete asshole who was never going to change. So I dumped him and a month later I got down and dirty with one of his friends- who might I add, after spending every day for 4 years with, was one of my closest friends also. He was dating another one of the guy friends' sister at the time and had just come out of a relationship with a girl I'd known since K-3, so things got a little crazy in our circle.
So whatever I married him and we had a baby 5 months later (quit adding it up in your head).
Ex-boyfriend went a little crazy and busted my windshield out among other things. I'm happy to say he moved to Oklahoma and straightened up (not really, but he DID get a job) and is doing much better, and we're on much better terms.
So you can see that we were all very close (gosh did everybody in our circle DATE each other at some point?!), outsiders were NOT welcome, and things got a little crazy when I betrayed one and others had no real choice but to kind of...take sides. It's sad to say, but how do you not HAVE to when you're all so close. So everybody basically took my and husband's side.

Ok, fast forward 8.5 years. All friends are married now, a couple have even had their first divorces!
So one of those guy friends aforementioned came by one day. He's a missionary now. And then he tried to have sex with me. I can barely recount this without vomiting. His wife and I, well we've become friends for the benefit of everyone. I actually hated her at first (she tried to do it with my teenage boyfriend- in my BARN- the first time I met her, it was not a good first impression.
Then we were playing with a gun and accidentally shot her in the lip, but that's another story. So friend that shot her- his family got sued by her family, and after all the plastic surgery, I guess he felt bad and married her, so over time we became close and I'm glad we did. First impressions can be so false.
By the way, she did eventually have sex with my boyfriend. But not until after she married my friend and he wasn't my boyfriend anymore, so I didn't have any investment in the situation, except that she was married to friend, BUT he got a blow job in North Korea she didn't know about so I didn't think he was so innocent and plus I don't snitch, it's just not me and it's none of my business.
He got the blow job from the Korean prostitute before he was a missionary. So technically it doesn't count if he's supposed to be a new man and all.

BUT, he REALLY freaked me out when he came over and tried to do it with me. So anyway I told my husband and asked him not to confront because friend's wife has adopted with him and so on and really doesn't have anywhere to GO if she wanted to leave him over it (and what if she wanted to come here?) and also then she would hate me even though I didn't do anything! By the way, after he left that day he called and I did have the forethought to pull out my digital audio recorder and catch him on candid audio. He suggested even over the call that he was by my house twice a week and we could get together. This man just offered me a weekly booty call, oh I hate him now, HOW INSULTING. And I thought maybe he was just being horny and it was all about just that, but then he tried to insult my husband, and THAT is over the line. He's a very bad friend. And may I add, my husband happens to be a VERY loyal person (don't count getting with me- I'm clearly irresistable), so it PISSED me off that he could know someone HIS entire life and they do that to him. Hello, I'm his WIFE.
OK, so that was last summer sometime. So since then I've felt like a bag of dog turds everytime I talk to her. Reasons are listed.
1. Their church pays all of their living expenses.
2. Their church is funding them to go to China (again) as covert missionaries.
3. They're planning to adopt again while they're in China.
4. She's also trying to get pregnant.
5. ALL she ever says is stuff like this:
"I love my husband, he's so trustworthy and I would trust him no matter what and I'm so blessed to have such a strong man of God to lead my family."

So all of that is QUITE disgusting if that same husband has told you he's fine with the quantity of sex but would prefer to put a bag over her head while in the act.

Also, THESE (see above) kind of people- I call it a con artist really, because the church SUPPORTS them because they believe they are doing God's work- DEFINE the bitterness MANY people HAVE towards the church. And it's just not fair. One bad apple can turn an entire world away, you know? Plus I would be SO sick to discover the missionary I give to was behaving this way on the side, and I hate to speak ahead, but I'm not so sure God is involved in whatever he's trying to do if he's doing whatever when nobody's looking.

Anyway so I finally called my pastor because I trust him and knew he'd be honest and he said I should tell his wife and get it off my chest. So he said to write a letter, and I did, but I've known this girl for 14 years and didn't want to mail a LETTER so I went over there and pussed out. I mean her kid was there and it just made me sad.

So what should I do? I could tell her over the phone, mail the letter, or try to get her alone, tell her face to face and leave the letter with her.
P.S.: I'm not scared of her, I could take her anyway if she clicked, but she's just not like that, so don't be concerned for my safety when responding.
HELP! I can't watch her go to China with this jackass under false pretenses of a healthy marriage while he's trying to bang everybody. I can't help but think if he was so bold with me that he hasn't done this before.