Dancing with the Doll Stroller

Background
My arms, wrists, ankles, and legs ache almost constantly now, and I bruise easily. I feel like I'm falling apart.

Story

So last night I used the kids bathroom (number 1, since this is starting to feel like too much info anyway), and out I come, thinking about stuff- life. And there it is. A doll stroller. Did I see it? No. But I felt it. It practically lunged out at me and wrapped my ankles in its grip. So, for better visual. remember I'm just outside the kids' bathroom, which means I'm in a tiny hall with 3 exits. Bathroom door, Living room entryway, and kids' bedroom door.
This was by far one of my more dramatic falls, only being topped by the time I fell backwards from the top step in the backyard with a 90 yr old glass bowl in my hand, knocking myself completely out.
Regardless.
So I'm weaving around like one of those blow up clown things you punch, saying "Oh! Oh!Oh! Oh!" Which translates to,"I've got my balance back! No I don't! Yes I do! No I doooooooon't!!!!"
My feet were completely tied up in the stroller. I tried to kick around and thought I'd composed myself before I went backwards (my back end nothing but dead weight) in a free fall. So, trying to save myself, I caused more damage. I manage to ensure a vine pattern of bruises wrapped around my toes and ankles, all the way to my cankles. There's something that resembles a welp (or welt, depending on who you are) on my thigh/butt (it's all the same at this point) the size of a dollar bill with no skin in the middle. It promises to be a lovely purple by tomorrow. My right shoulder has a spatter of bruises, and my back? Yea, it started hurting yesterday- twisting it in strange directions helped greatly. My wrist? It hurts even worse than usual. So the moral of this story? After a 5 yr old and almost 4 yr old girl spend the day playing, watch your feet. I actually fell INTO the kids' door frame, and landed on top of little army men and disney dress up dolls.
It hurts to sit down on the toilet, seriously.
After I (finally) fell, I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling. I had a moment where I wondered if I died right there, would my "stuff" be showing? (sorry, I had a night gown on.). This gave me the resolve tocover up my rear before I started crying. And I cried awhile. Still no help. Oh screw it, what good does it do to be a damsel in distress when your 140 lb husband, who probably couldn't get you up anyway, is in the backyard talking to his boss. I'd rather get myself up. I was feeling espeically fat at this point anyway. Then I got mad. I got up, threw the stroller (that'll show it!) and went and took it out on my youngest. It WAS technically her fault. "You've got ONe HOUR in the morning to get your stuff UP!!!! I almost KILLED myself!" ........ "Sorry mom." Resignation. She is so cute after all, and surely this wasn't a booby trap. (I have to stop thinking in my mind set, because when I was 5, it WOULD have been a set up). "It's okay, just get it up."
So husband comes in 15 minutes too late to help & asks why I was red all over and why my mascara is running. So I tell him. You know what the man does? "Where is that stroller?" "Uh, I already threw it honey." "WHERE is it?" "In the floor." So he goes and gets it, and throws it...harder. Why does that ALWAYS make me feel better?
Stupid Stroller.